I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
