Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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