You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
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She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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