Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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