so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
