I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
