false alarm. still invincible.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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