I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize