i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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