By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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