if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Reggie can tackle my bush.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
