I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
