You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
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I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
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This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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