He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
