You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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