I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
