is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Alive.
So much puke
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
