If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
