I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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