I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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