How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
