Too much gin, very little bucket
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
