how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Randomize
