i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
