also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
