when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
two words: eviction party
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
