69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
