You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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