I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
