Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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