We're like a lot better than the average bears
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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