he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sext me about skeletons
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
