So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
