If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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