ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
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In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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