you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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