i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
