I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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