i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
