I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
