Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
