chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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