my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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