I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
