I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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