hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
