Have you finally orgasmed yet?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
