Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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