what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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