too bad you live with your parents still
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Are we still banned from the library?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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