I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"