I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
