Ketchup is God's man juice
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
