I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
