Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
