I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
