I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
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the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
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A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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