This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
