Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
