I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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