Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
