sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
