I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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