im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
