Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
