i barfeds in our rink
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
