lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
