Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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