i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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