the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
