guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
