consequently i now know what mace tastes like
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need a beard to bite.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
